I will die if light touches me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize