Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
