the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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