Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
