His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
