he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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