I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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