Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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