dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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