the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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