So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
