there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
