u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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