You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Enjoy the penises
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
