Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize