Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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