Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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