You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
