we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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