Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize