I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
