There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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