Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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