Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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