I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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