Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
