Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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