oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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