He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
