well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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