I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
