dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
