Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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