I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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