Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
