I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize