I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
