You're so nebulous sometimes
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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