if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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