You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
