After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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