The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize