why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
