This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize