yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
