I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
