It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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