I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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