oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
