Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
