one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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