Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
