WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
