Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
