Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
