apparently the secret to your success is patron
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
