There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
