the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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