it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
