If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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